Childhood Memories
by Ko-chan to Ya-chan
Summary: Shigeru's side of the story. Takes place during episode 1 of the Jhoto saga. SHONEN AI Shishi


Konnichiwa minna! I wanted to write something, since I haven't recently, and decided to try to get back into an angsty writing mood, though that's kinda hard to do with techno music playing in a round inside your head... (though the lyrics is actually pretty angsty...weird, huh?) Anyhoo, this is my fave techno song by Scooter... enjoy!

Ko-chan

**Disclaimer:** Pocket Monsters is the rightful property of Satoshi Tajiri. 'Ramp!' belongs to Scooter. There- I said it. Ya happy now!

**Dedication:** To the 96 people who still bother having me on their faves list. Thanks for not deserting me because I take too long to update. ;

**Directions:** Insert the lyrics from "Ramp!" by Scooter.

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Childhood Memories

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I sighed, staring at the glowing lights of my hometown from a cliff overlooking it. It looked like they were still partying... Satoshi had come back from the Orengi Islands, trophy in hand, and the whole town was celebrating.

Why was I here, alone, you ask? Well, you see, I'm his rival. I'm not meant to share in his triumphs, only his losses. And you don't know how much I hate that. I was his best friend once, and we used to do everything together. Those were some of the best times of my life... Then, one of the other kids our age suggested that we become rivals in monster training, and it seemed like a fun idea at the time.

So that's how it went. Whenever we met up, we fought and exchanged insults, just like we were 'supposed to'. We knew it was all pretend in the beginning, but then... one day... I crossed the line. I had made a crack about his father just to 'impress the girls' of the stupid fanclub Ji-chan hired to take care of me, knowing full well the extent of such an insult's worth. He never did forgive me for that, and now I'll probably never be accepted as his friend again. All because I had gotten way too into the whole 'rivals' thing. I'm such an idiot... Satoshi was probably the only true friend I ever had. The only one wanting to know me for me, and not just to brag about being 'friends' with the 'great Ookido-hakase's grandson'. Baka. Baka. Baka. That's what I am, and I know it. I blew the only chance of friendship I've ever had... And I'll never get another chance.

I can't stand being around those ditzy cheerleaders anymore, they remind me too much of that day... So I'm going alone this time. Just my monsters and I; no cars. No hotels. No stupid fanclub. Hopefully, I can think of a way to apologize to Satoshi, though I wouldn't blame him if he rejected my friendship. I've hurt him enough already. He doesn't need to have his wounds re-opened. Too bad mine still refuse to heal...

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I watched as the party moved indoors, and slowly trekked back down to where Ji-chan's lab was. Of course, heading home also meant walking under the trees full of pijotto, one of which happened to be Satoshi's. It spotted me, and, knowing full well who I was, decided to dive bomb me with its droppings. Just my luck- the stupid thing had to have good aim... Should've figured as much, after being trained by Satoshi... I quietly take my punishment, continuing down the road, trying to ignore the smug look I knew the monster must be wearing right about now...

I headed straight to the bathroom as soon as I got back, taking a nice long shower so I could wash all the bird-poop off. I then threw my soiled clothes into the hamper in the laundry room, and pulled on my p.j.'s, hopping into bed soon after. Ivui came and snuggled up beside me, resting her head in the crook of my arm. I welcomed her comforting warmth, and fell into a deep sleep. I never did hear Onee-chan and Ji-chan come in that night, not that it really mattered to me anyway, but it felt good knowing I was home, if only for a short time, and was among the ones who truly cared for me. And that meant the world to me.

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Morning came, as always, and I knew I'd be seeing Satoshi sooner or later that day. I was dreading our meeting, yet I wanted to see him at the same time. I'm not making any sense, am I? Well, I dreaded having to face him, knowing that he most likely hates me, but wanted to see him, since I haven't seen him and spoken decently to him for what seems like forever. His friends will probably be there, though, so I probably won't be able to talk to him, but I still wanted to see him, to know how he was doing and, most importantly, tell him how sorry I was for ever saying that stupid phrase that cost us our friendship. Never-the-less, I would be seeing him later, no matter what happens...

Just as I expected, he came over in the afternoon, his friends beside him, and asked me to battle. I wanted so much not to battle him, but if this was what he wanted, then I would give it to him. I wouldn't hold back, either. He wouldn't have wanted me to do that...

We battled fiercely, he with his heart, I with practiced skill and strategy. It was a close battle, but my Ivui won, and his spirit was crushed once more. Again I had hurt him, again I felt I couldn't face him. Not now. Not after I'd just crushed him in front of all his friends. Why must I always cause him such pain? Why must we be denied another chance at friendship?

I mutter something about it being a good battle, and that I respected him as a trainer, then turned and ran off, heading back up to my room and grabbing my backpack, then snuck out the back end of Ji-chan's ranch where he kept all of the monsters, disappearing into the woods. I headed in the direction of Jhoto, and never turned back. I couldn't. Satoshi was back there, and I just couldn't face him right now. Besides, he probably hated me even more now that I had beaten him in a battle, though I knew by far he was the better trainer. He trained with the heart. I trained with the mind. He would go places, I knew he would. I, however, would never be great like him. All because I wouldn't let anyone come too close to my heart, lest I be hurt again. Lest I hurt anyone else the way I had hurt Satoshi...

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I would see him every now and then, in Jhoto. He was always trying to help save someone somewhere, usually from the things that stupid trio of Rokketo-dan members who always follows him around do in an attempt to steal his pikachuu, though I don't know why they wouldn't simply catch their own pikachuu in a forest somewhere and train it themselves... Oh, wait. Now I understand. They suck as trainers, so they couldn't just go and catch their own pikachuu... Sugoi.. Sucks to be them... Anyway, I would notice something was up, and I'd help him out occasionally, though I'd never stick around long enough to talk to him. I was still afraid he'd say he hated me...

So I traveled around on my own, earning badges, gaining experience, catching new monsters, and raising my pokemon as best I could. Ivui eventually evolved into a burakki, fitting my personality so well, I actually laughed at the irony of it all the day she changed. She was a little angry at me at first, for laughing, that is, but after I told her the story behind it, she seemed to think it was funny too. We fit each other perfectly... A dark monster with a trainer who seemed to always hurt the one he wanted to befriend...

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Satoshi and I stayed at the same pokemon center once, not too long ago, really. We had bumped into each other in the lounge while his friends had been out shopping, and we sat down and actually had a decent conversation. I had asked him how he was doing on his journey thus far, and then he'd gone and asked me the same thing after he'd answered.

It was pretty lame, come to think of it, that we only talked about such trivial things, and not about our broken friendship and what we were going to do about it. I did apologize for beating him in front of his friends, though, so I guess the whole conversation was worth something. He'd replied that it was all 'water under the bridge', and had given me a small smile that told me, silently, 'thank you for caring, even that much'. It gave me a small hope that he didn't hate me at all, and I was about to apologize once and for all, but that was when his friends had returned, and I'd quietly left before they could notice me.

The next time we met, we were definitely more civil to each other, not that he ever argued with me any more, just his friends, so I guess he'd told them about my apology that day. They'd accepted it as a sign of a truce, and didn't insult me once while I helped them against the Roketto- dan trio; though I could tell they both had their eyes on me the whole time.

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After that meeting, I left to be on my own again. I just couldn't stand how his two friends kept waiting for me to mess up, to hurt Satoshi again, so they could rub it in my face that they were 'right about me'. That I was just 'jealous' and, as the redhead so kindly put it, a 'total dirtbag' who 'only wanted to hurt Satoshi'. I probably made them think they were right by leaving, but I think Satoshi understood my real reason for leaving. At least, I hope so...

I'm pretty sure he doesn't hate me, even after all I've done, but still... I just can't help doubting that fact. I deserve his hate, yet he can still forgive me just like that. Is it because he wants to be friends with me again? Like I do? But... What about his other friends? I know they'd never accept our friendship. Kenji and that guy with them right now- Takeshi, might. But I know that redhead would never accept that. She seems very protective of Satoshi, may have a crush on him even... And I know how much it would hurt her if Satoshi was hurt again... And that's why she would never trust me. I know exactly how she feels... I'm afraid of hurting him again myself...

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Still, that's a chance I think both of us are willing to take. We both miss hanging out together, and we both want to at least try to mend our friendship, so I guess, one of these days, I'll talk to him about it. When we're both ready to try again... I hope I don't end up hurting him again...

I think we're doing well so far, though, so I think it'll all work out. I see him more often, now, and I think he'll ask me to join his little group the next time we meet. I think he's talked about all this with his other friends, and I'm sure that at least Takeshi accepts it. The redhead, Kasumi, seems to have grudgingly accepted his decision, but still doesn't like it all that much... I'll have to talk to her about it... If she listens to me, that is...

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We tried the whole 'me joining the group' thing, but it didn't work out. It's not that I did anything to hurt Satoshi again, but Kasumi just couldn't deal with it. Her lack of trust drove me away, so I'm back on my own again...

Satoshi understands my reasons for going, and said maybe we could try again someday. When Kasumi can learn to trust me a little more, that is. I said that'd be a good idea, and, with a parting secret handshake from our childhood days, I took one fork in the road, and they took the other. I'm glad Satoshi forgives me for all I've done, and that he trusts me enough to give me a second chance.

I look forward to the day we can finally be best friends again...

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Owari

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Awww... It was supposed to be angsty till the end! Chikuso...

Oh well, it's still good, in my opinion, even if it does have a slightly-fluffy ending... This is supposed to take place (DUH!) on the very first episode of the Jhoto Journeys, and so forth.

What I like most about this is the fact that this seems like something that could actually happen in the series, and I think that'd be pretty cool if I were right about this happening. (Something similar happened in the manga by Toshihiro Ono... He ends up traveling around with Kasumi and Shigeru after the Orengi league, and Kenji's not even in the manga!) Tell me what you liked most about it! OKEI? - Ja ne!

Ko-chan


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